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VR page

irtual eality! The very words strike terror into the hearts of those who want to know what the hell people are talking about.

Virtue had nothing to do with it, dearie! -- Mae West

Well, if you're one of those people, then prepare to get terror-struck, because on this page we obfuscate, prevaricate, blur, stretch, and otherwise distort the true meaning of the very words virtual reality in order to entertain you and maybe get you to fork over ten or eleven bucks one or more times in the near future. Yes, you have reached Jim's Castro Street Fair Virtual Reality "You Were There" (Well, Almost) Penis Flashing Page, demonstrating his recently acquired, far-from-state-of-the-art knowledge of cartooning, .wav files, and maybe even JavaScript (one day). It just doesn't get any better than this.

So let's get started!

How you, too, can do what I did

How would you like to have the experience I did? Namely, how would you like to walk around naked, ask guys to show you their dicks, and then pay them a dollar when they do?

Now you can, through the magic of virtual reality! Because I am a Macintosh owner, I am able to learn the latest virtual reality techniques in just one afternoon's worth of light work. You, dear peons -- uh, I mean, persons -- will be able to experience the wonderful consequences of this lightning-fast skill acquisition right here, right now, as I demonstrate my marvelous virtual reality creation abilities.

Below, you will discover for yourself what it's like to act like a crazy street person in San Francisco's gayest district -- just as I did in October, 1998. You'll be able to feel what it's like to get all of the guys below to open their pants and show you their penises on the streets, in public. Kewl, eh?

Just follow these simple steps:

• Take off all your clothes except your shoes and socks.
• Get two large poster boards and attach them by rope at the top.
• Slip the ropes over your head, just like I did on Castro Street.
• Walk around your room, shouting "Your dick for a dollar! Show me your dick for a dollar!"
• When your roommate walks in to see what's up, wave a dollar bill under his nose and ask, "Do you have a dick? Show me your dick and I'll give you a dollar." Just like I did!
  • If you have no roommate, then just hallucinate one.
• If he drops his pants, take a picture and give him the dollar.
  • If he calls the cops or the loony bin, insist that he must have imagined it all.

That's all there is to it! Of course, there is the possibility that your roommate will withdraw in disgust. In this case, run over to your computer and continue with the steps below.

• Go back to the hallucinating step. Imagine that you have one of the hunky guys below right there in front of you, on Castro Street.
• Now look at his crotch. In case you lack imagination, here's a drawing. As you can see, he's wearing blue jeans, and the fly (his zipper) is closed:

• Loudly and politely, tell him "Show me your dick for a dollar!"
• Here comes the virtual reality part! It's so exciting!!
• Just click on the "Play" triangle below the above blue jeans and our virtual volunteer will agree to show you his penis! [If you have the free QuickTime plug-in installed, that is.] And then you'll hear him eagerly unzipping his pants!
• And then you'll see him show you his dick. Wow!!! Is the World Wide Web wwwonderful or wwwhat?!?
  • If only my drawing skills were better, and...
  • I knew what the words virtual reality really meant.

Now you have to satisfy your end of the bargain: pay him a dollar.

• Choose each of the guys below, one by one, and click on his picture.
• You'll discover that you can see the enlargements if you are a member of Jim's Penis-Central.com. So sign up for membership right away!
• There are 10 pictures.
• If you perform this step for each of the photos below, your total contribution would be $10.
• Then you have to add taxes and insurance to make the total $12.
• But we're actually only going to charge you 10 or 11 bucks. You basically almost kinda sorta in a way get a discount!
• Members click here.

Isn't Virtual Reality cool? Doesn't this page alone justify all the hard work you've undertaken to select, purchase, set up, and then use your current personal computer? Of course it does. It took thousands (if not millions) of years for humanity to reach its current pinnacle of evolution -- and here we are, sitting atop that very pinnacle, with our pants down around our ankles. It's downright inspiring.

Excuse me -- snif snif -- I have to pause here for a moment to dab my eyes.....

...

Thank you. Thank you. I think I can continue now.

If you agree, please take a moment to write me and tell me how brilliant I am. Also, I'd like to thank my mother, my father, my family, my father, my dear teachers, President Clinton (for setting such a good example in the pants-dropping department), my mother, the voting members of the Academy, and most highly, all the guys who let us see their penises!!!