A Therapy Session
THERAPIST: Good to see you again, your Highness!
Have a seat.
His Royal Highness: Thank you!
T: So what's on your mind?
HRH: Well, last month the public execution went
just fine, just as we thought it would, and we've
had a very sharp drop in street crime as a result.
T: Excellent, excellent.
HRH: And I've gotten almost all of my political
enemies in jail, just as we discussed last time.
HRH: But still, I'm worried.
HRH: I feel we need to strengthen our national
identity. Make a statement about what it means to
be a Heebyjeebian. Something to symbolize our
cohesiveness, our power.
T: How interesting! A lot of my clients think
the same thing.
T: Well, one of them decided that he was going
to do a tattoo. The idea is that everyone will get
a specific tattoo on their forehead. Then, in
battle, you'd instantly know who was friend and who
was foe. And when you traveled you'd stand out as a
representative of your tribe.
HRH: Exactly -- just the sort of goal I had in
mind! I hear that the king of the Joobyhoobians is
designing a special kind of tunic for his people to wear that would do the
T: Wow! A tunic! (Pause) Well, have you settled
on any specifics?
HRH: No, but I was thinking along the lines of
T (puzzled): Genital modification?
HRH: Circumcision. I thought maybe we could try
cutting off the foreskins of the men.
T: Foreskins? (Pause) Why foreskins?
HRH: Well... you see... (he trails off)
T: Wouldn't that hurt? A lot? And take a long
time to heal? And get your men worried about
castration? Wouldn't you want to choose some other
part of the body?
HRH: Yes it would be painful, but life is full
of pain and misery, isn't it? Tattoos hurt, too.
Wool tunics get scratchy. Maybe we could do the
circumcisions on the men when they're little boys;
then only a little teeny tiny cut would be
(The therapist accidentally drops his pencil and
spends a moment to pick it up.)
HRH: A small price to pay for group cohesion and
identification, don't you think?
T: What about the women?
HRH: (shrugs his shoulders) I dunno. Fuck the
T: Fuck the women? (Gets the joke) Yeah, fuck
the women! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
HRH: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! No, but seriously, we
wouldn't do anything to the women. I talked to my
Queen about the possibility of doing something to
her labia but she got real angry and said no way.